Find out more with Faay – Celebrating our Differences

So you feel like you’re giving them a voice and the space to ask for what they need to be understood and heard?

Yes. Fostering positivity, curiosity, and their confidence will all lead on to this. When they get older,

” hopefully this groundwork will mean that they will be in a place where they’re confident enough to say, ‘this doesn’t work for me: I would like this instead …’ and ‘I want to belong to this place, but I can’t do that unless I have this’.”

You need to build confidence at such a young age, so that when they do become adults, they will have a voice and be able to use it to say how they feel and what they need.

Do you have an example of something that you’ve taught a child, or how you’ve brought these lessons to young children.

Yes, so in my last role, it was very different to what I’m doing now, not so much in the classroom, but the things that were brought into the classroom from the outside world.

There were lots of different backgrounds all in one classroom, and we all had to learn to get along. The children had different beliefs, different backgrounds that they came from, not just culturally, but what their family did and also what was normal to their family. So, once they brought that into the classroom, you had to accommodate all of those things.

There can be some friction – some children, they play a certain way, and other children might not like that. It’s that thing where you stop and you go, ‘actually, we don’t need to change them – that’s how they play’ and accept that’s probably absolutely normal for them.

Some children are loud and boisterous; they destroy everything you’ve set up. Other children, they play very quietly, very calmly, and that’s absolutely fine, but that might disturb the others, so

“you have to make sure that everybody has space to be themselves”

 – just like how you’re trying to accommodate all those different beliefs and cultures – you also then accommodate the behaviours and choices that follow.

Once you get to that stage, the next step is thinking ‘how can I set up something to make sure that they continue to play that way? How can we get those children to come over to the quiet side? If we can get the boisterous ones to come over to this area here, we can teach them – show them that actually, I know you love playing like that, but you can also do it this way.’ Normally they are interested because it’s play, it’s just different play, and they’ll do that.

“I hope that they can take that away as they get older, as they go into society, and be like, you know what? Just because I am a certain way, or I do things a certain way, it doesn’t mean that I can’t try other things. “

I might like it, I might not, but it’s that thing of trying to get them to come over here and encouraging them to do things in new ways. This might be setting up an activity intentionally, even if it gets destroyed after five minutes. You tried yourself to learn different ways to accommodate all the children in the classroom.

Also, I’d love for children I support to look at other children who are doing things differently with curiosity, rather than – that’s different to me, and I’m not interested. If they could think – that’s different to me, but why? Why do they want to play like that? How does it feel if I play like that? – Then I’ve succeeded.

I love, that. So there was a real mix of  children from all over?

A real mix different languages, different cultures. There were a few that were from Britain as well, so that helped because I could go, ‘ah, this is how we can overcome the language barrier, because now you’ve got someone that speaks fluent English with a child that doesn’t know a single word of English’.

“You put them together, and wow, it takes one term and they are communicating. It doesn’t have to be verbally – they are communicating through their play.”

When all those different cultures are brought together it’s honestly so amazing to see play break the communication barrier.

So that’s interesting in terms of communicating differently. Is there a way that you can bring what you’ve learned and experienced in Dubai to the Preschool here, and how does that look?

Definitely. I think it taught me to not be shy if I want to try anything. It taught me that just because I’m a bit nervous about their interactions, we can still try. It’s easy to think that they play so differently, they won’t get along. But you don’t know that you have to give them the opportunity to do it differently.

I gained a lot of confidence because I tried so many different activities.

“I tried things that I normally wouldn’t have, and because the mix was so different, it forced me to stop and think I need to adapt the way I’m doing things – which is a huge part of preschool. You have to adapt.”

One child can change the whole dynamic of your room, and you have to adapt to them. We will continue to get new children – these lot now they’ll go off to school, then we’ll get a new batch. We need to think about how we will welcome these new children into the room and make sure that everybody who was already there still feels safe. But also, know, settling them together is hard, because you want them all to get along, but that might not work and that’s ok.  It’s them getting along in terms of how they play, so supporting that is key.

I love the way that you are looking at the ever-changing dynamic of children coming in and out of nursery rooms – acknowledging we have to keep finding a new balance. It also feels like teaching acceptance of each other, but also, as adults, accepting a situation for what it is, and that we don’t have to have control over it. If you step back, children often sort it out themselves.

Yes, that’s it. Every time I thought I’d have to go in and mediate, I took a step back. Sometimes, with children, they can feel your eyes on them. They know that you’re around, so you don’t have to have to directly sit at the table and watch them actually play, you can do it from across the room. You can see their interactions and they know you’re looking. They know you’re there. They’re very much aware of your presence. So it’s nice to just step back once in a while and watch them work it out.

You said to that in your last role, lots of the children didn’t speak the same language, but they communicated well. What were the ways that you noticed they communicated and where there differences or similarities to what you see here?

Similarities, because they’re all using play to communicate. Here in BS3, we do hear them verbally communicate during play, but in Dubai it was very different because they weren’t always verbally communicating. Some would speak their own language to another child who didn’t speak that language, but, somehow they understand. They use gestures, their body language, and whatever they’re playing with  so they themselves have adapted. They’ll try and communicate in English, so you hear, ‘look’ and ‘see’, words that I’ve taught or words that parents have said at home. Sometimes this provides an opportunity to suggest alternative words to try, but the majority of the time they are fine communicating, because

“the activity is the communication, because he’ll play and she’ll play however they want, but they’re playing together. They don’t have to actually speak. It’s really wonderful to see.”

Do you also see that similarly in Preschool with a child who has less developed communication than another child?

Yes, they could be at the same tuff tray, same table, and they would be communicating because their play is the form of communication. You can see in their expression, you can see it in their gestures, you can see it what they’re doing. The outcome at the end, will always be that they’ve had a lovely session together – they’ve enjoyed themselves, and that’s the main thing. They’re confident, and they were confident enough to continue to play – if they stay there longer than five minutes, it’s grabbed their attention, and they’re communicating.

I love that. Moving on from playing and communicating and thinking about how children approach differences in general, what surprises you most about talking to children about differences?

How much they know. They will surprise you, because they know they have their own voices, and they have their own opinions. I don’t know if they’re learning it from parents, or seeing it from older siblings, or just from the general public, but they know so much. They know if they’re different and if the child feels that they’re different, they’ll say it.

Also, if a child feels someone else is different, they will say it too! They might not say it the right way. This is when we step in and we correct and we explain, ‘actually, that’s not how we say things’. But I would prefer that any day than them not asking questions. These questions give you an opportunity to address it. That’s where you can say, ‘we are like this because of x, y, z’ and give them more information. Most of the time they say ‘oh, okay’ and don’t question it . Sometimes they might ask ‘why?’ a few times, and then you can go in deeper with them.

For example since I’ve started at BS3 Nurseries, I’ve been asked, “Why do you wear this?”

By ‘this’ do you mean your head scarf?

By ‘this’ do you mean your head scarf?

Yes! I would start by asking, ‘You know what this is called?’, rather than saying, ‘Oh, why are you asking? So I’m leaning into their curiosity, and opening the conversation up, rather than shutting it down. From this approach, you’re acknowledging they’re curious, they want to know. So then I explain, ‘This is called a head scarf, I put it on my head.’ They might continue, ‘Why’” and I can reply, ‘I cover my hair. This is what I believe in, this is what I want to do.’ And then they’re like, ‘oh, okay’ and that’s the end of it! They just want to know. Now I come into the room, and they don’t think twice about it. They’re like, that’s Faay, and she has a scarf on her head. That’s it.

So it comes back to curiosity again…

Absolutely.

And acceptance?

Yes, acceptance – they’ve accepted me. Their way of accepting me was asking me that question. If they didn’t ask me that question, I’d  be gutted. I’d think that they’re not interested in me and they don’t didn’t want to know about me. But because they asked me that question, I know they want to know about me and they want to get to know me. They feel comfortable enough to ask, ‘What’s that?’ And they do. I see them doing it to each other as well…

’Why do you have that?’

‘What’s going on?’

‘Why do you have a plaster?’

‘What happened to your face?’

They’ll ask all those questions. There’s no malice or anything behind it, it’s just that they want to know. When you tell them, they accept your response and think, now I know I can move on. They just want to know!

If only adults were more like them! What tips do you have for other Early Years Educators or parents for making these conversations accessible for small children?

“There are no bad questions. Also, don’t be afraid to tell children: ‘I don’t know. Shall we go and find out?’”

Sometimes you don’t have the answers  so don’t be afraid to say, ‘You know what? I don’t know, let’s go and find out why that does happen.’ Or suggesting you go and ask together if they’re asking, ‘Why is so and so is like this?’ Or ‘Why does so and so do this?’ That opens the door for them to think, actually, yes, I can find out information. It also leads their curiosity to get bigger and bigger, and then they can explore the world freely and they can learn so much more, because that’s how children learn.